Oxymorons & Hangovers

Wizard/Witch Crushes, etc

I recently jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon, and went ahead and read the first of the series: Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone at the request of Marci Bones' oldest son. I discovered a copy of the DVD in my house, presumably belonging to my younger sister and decided to give it a whirl this weekend, since I actually really liked the book.

Hot:


Professor Snape


Madame Hooch

Today I took Kiddo to see her first play, Suessical Junior. After every song, she ripped up in frenzied applause with her tiny palms, declaring, "I love this." It felt really, really good.

I found a bar napkin in my purse this morning marked with my drunken scrawl. It's a quote from one of the comedians that I saw on Friday. "Like my mother always used to say... it's not the motion of the ocean, but the size of your cock." It's blasphemy that I can't recall who said it.

In Human Sexuality last night, we learned the importance of Kegels. Call me narrow-minded but I had no idea men should/could practice them too. My teacher (a very sexually open and encouraging female) says for men to practice them, then try with a washcloth hanging over their penis, then WET the cloth and try it then. Like weight training. And later when he is about to come during sex, he can flex the PC muscle (the one being worked during the exercise) and resist coming, but still have an orgasm, thus going on for days. I was stupified. Talk about homework.

You didn't come here for anything PG rated, right? Oh okay, good.

Now that my girl Kim has joined me in the land of Monday night sex lectures, we routinely do dinner afterwards and have a sleepover at her house. She cleaned out her closet thoroughly and handed me down an entire new wardrobe. I could have cried, I was so ecstatic. My broke ass is always spending my extra money on concert tickets, CDs and books. My closet is just pathetic anymore. I'm all but bursting to get home and try all these on, parading around in front of a full length mirror.

Kiddo comes home tonight after a lengthy stay at Dad's. And tomorrow marks one year since I was unexpectedly admitted for C-section, fifty-five days prior to my due date. All I can think of is that Kiddo was so damn eager to get started on this journey, that she Van Damme'ed the door in to get a move on, emerging with a scream, that really said, "Seven months in that oven was too damn long. Let's get this party started!" She hit the ground running and hasn't stopped in five years. Tonight I'll be in the kitchen doing what I can to create cupcakes without burning the house down or any other human within a twenty foot radius so that Kiddo can share the joys of her birthday with all her classmates in the morning. Let me tell you how much I dread this venture... I am not cooking/baking oriented. I cannot follow a recipe and I have no natural ability to make anything remotely edible. But for my one and only thirty-six (plus) inches worth of blue- eyed offspring, I'll give it a whirl.

A brilliant friend of mine, Randee Apple, said, "Oh how I love this horrifying existence and wish you all a happy looming." Amen, girl.

-Pretty Lush wishes you a happy unbirthday

Crush

While Kiddo was in the bath last night, I watched Deal or No Deal. I can't shake it, I love that show. For someone who claims to not pay too much attention to the glow of the tube, I'm talking about TV a lot lately. That's because my DVR sorts the crap from the interesting with the added bonus of ba-dooping my way through commercials. Anyway. It only takes a few seconds of that show to have me hot and bothered. I have the biggest crush on number 25, Hayley Marie Norman. She's stunning. Rarely will I use that word for a woman, especially if I don't know what's up in their head, because one ridiculous statement out of a gorgeous mouth could really up end my opinion. So I'll settle on watching intently so I can enjoy.

I hate static. I want to coat my head in Vasoline.

The weekend was a perfect mingling of rest and debauch. Late Friday night, after Kiddo went to sleep with my big little brother watching over her (not literally. creep.) I headed out with my friend Ree to The Truck Stop, a gay bar/club in West Hollywood. We arrived just before the cut off for free entry, and signed a disclaimer that allowed a crew to catch us on film for a reality show on LOGO. While we did dance around the film crew and speakers and light props, I'm pretty sure I won't see my ass shakin' skillz on TV. The night ended with four hot bartenders drenching themselves in water and dancing to Pour Some Sugar On Me. The originality! But I was so damned drunk by then, I cheered with everyone else.

Saturday afternoon, I met up with Kiddo's dad for lunch and then I took her to the park. I'm not the most physically interactive parent in the world, but I played at the park. Running around with her and swinging and spinning.

      

That night the house was full of people for the boxing matches. I holed up to watch The Ultimate Fighter finale, cheering on John to no avail. *SPOILER* for all .325 of you who watch that show with fiendish desire: While I will admit that Mac Danzig is uber-talented and hard-working, thus deserving of the title, I didn't like him from the first time I saw his mug on screen. I wanted to - he hails from Los Angeles, he's all one-with-nature, and while I'm certainly not, I definitely admire that way of life. He's well disciplined and talented, but I just couldn't stand his miserable comments and arrogance. One of the other guys, I think it was John, mentioned how much he hated when the guys treated him like a seasoned veteran. And that's what it was - he knew he had experience so he treated everyone else like a piss-on. I was SO happy to see John step up for that fight after Matt bitched out. Enthusiastically to boot!

Wishin' hard I had a female friend that watches this shit.

Sunday afternoon was spent at my friend Karen's house in Laguna. She cooked a fantastic meal and spoiled my tum. Kiddo ate vegetables (!) with her dinner and I was pleased. Karen offered her a Pop-Tart for dessert and when I asked her how it was, she said, "I love this re-tart." Hmm.

New season of Intervention starts tonight. I'm hooked on that show. The harder and crazier the addict, the more sucked in I become. I'm fascinated. There are many, many facets in life that I don't get. Addiction is one of them. I don't understand that kind of hardcore desire, that goes beyond a surface level need. I mean, I'll cut a bitch if I don't get my Diet Coke, but I wouldn't have Kiddo taken away or neglected. I watch that show wide-eyed and demand no interruptions. So that's where I'll be tonight at nine, if you wanna come by and join.

Sugar frosted & sprinkle-topped,
Pretty Lush