Barf bags can be located directly in front of you

In class last night, the topic was sexual orientation. We watched a documentary on hate crimes and heard from a panel of volunteers with PFLAG. Your average bigot, close-minded comment was uttered or ri-goddamned-diculous question asked, but mostly I was really impressed by the stories that were shared and the different angles covered on the topic, not to mention my classmates almost entirely being able to keep it together when there's OMG GAY PEOPLE around. Sexual orientation hits home because I identify as a bisexual. It's not something I pin on my lapel (unless you count my 'I snatch kisses and vice versa' 1" pin, then I suppose it could be) or announce of myself in meeting new people, as it shouldn't be. I don't need to know if you're left-handed or prefer a gin martini to a vodka, etc. I've encountered very little discrimination but I was able to relate to these stories in that there was a process of realization, a 'coming-out' to my parents, which was not to say not that I was interested in a distanced be-prepared-this-may-happen kind of way, but that I was refusing to go to school over a break-up with my girlfriend. There was teasing at one job that led to altered schedules because I refused to work with that co-worker anymore. (When he quit shortly after, I like to think he was made that uncomfortable as no one agreed with his dogmatist ways.) There was the awkward phase of young relationships and vulnerability alongside the foreign concepts of sex/puberty, paired with the taboo of being with a girl. (Of course the first two girls I was serious with were of hardcore religious backgrounds. [A PREACHER'S DAUGHTER, EVEN! Scandalous!] We never told their parents, but they suspected and they did not like me.) Overall, I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality, hardly ever encounter any issues with judgement or insecurities because I associate with open-minded, amazing people. But I have realized, more so lately, that being attracted to both sexes makes you not gay enough for the gay community and not straight enough for the straight people. The in-between comes off as an act, or something, and I can't tell you how many times I want to lash out and tell people that it doesn't matter. I equally appreciate both genders physically and depending on what lurks beyond that, could something develop. I don't need a name or a term or a label, and I certainly don't need to feel like I'm not living up to one side or another but sometimes I do. I just like PEOPLE. Homophobic comments are shunned, but when gay/lesbian people mock my current hetero status, isn't it similiar? I know, I know -- there's not nor ever will be any forms of oppression or resistance to a hetero couple, but it doesn't mean every person has the confidence/self-esteem to respond positively to that kind of criticism. Just sayin'.

I digress.

My heterosexual relationship was celebrated perfectly last night. There's no need to make a big deal over a monthly milestone but I'll admit, it's nice to acknowledge. I made a paper card with a Love Is... comic on the front and a picture of Jeff and I inside. He one-upped me by bringing me white Gerber daisies (my faaaaavorite) and a present. To preface this present, I have to add: Cunt by Inga Muscio is my very favorite book. I could go for pages and days about how this book has changed the way I think about myself, my body and women. It's the book I want to share with every female I encounter (and usually try to) and want to preach to my younger sister and my daughter. I lent this book to Ree and it went missing in her apartment. I was explaining to Jeff that it was missing and how I was heart broken because it was my copy with my highlights and worn/creased/loved covers and I wanted THAT copy, not a replacement copy. My attitude turned optimistic when I told him about the re-released expanded and updated version that I always wanted to pick up and Jeffrey egged this on, saying that if I read it again, now, there may be things I didn't see or appreciate before that would affect me differently. Which couldn't be more true. So I got pretty jazzed about ordering the new(er) copy and seeing the whole thing from a new light (I'm such a geek - I was literally gleeful about this)... cut to my boyfriend's entrance in the front door last night, flowers in hand, and from his waistband he pulls a brand spankin' new copy of my book. Not only is the title of this book enough to make an average man cringe at the thought of carrying its soft blue, daisy-clad cover around in public - it's located in the women's studies section and someone had to help him find a copy. Taking these into consideration, I'm a million times more grateful for this present and totally turned on by the fact that he didn't mind any of that pseudo-macho bullshit, even a little. We grabbed some dinner and shared a couple pitchers of beer, fed the jukebox at the bar some dollars, had some crazy coitus and I made sure to kiss him no less than two thousand times. In the middle of the night when I had a strange nightmare, I woke him up not as much for vocal comfort as for move-this-arm-so-I-can-sleep-closer and he whispered, "Come here. It's okay," and we wrapped up and slept peacefully again. It's soooo gross, I know, but I'm completely consumed by how in love I am.

-Pretty Lush

Comments

[Kristine]

YAY! I LOVE that you guys are in love!

[KIMBERLIE]

can we please go to PFLAG MEETING!!!

[Hezmo]

Yes, being bisexual is neither here nor there in terms of acceptability. It doesn't quite fit into a nice little homo or hetero box. However, like me, you're now in a comfy hetero relationship, which means we can fly under the radar...or, as you said, cop a bit of teasing from gay friends.
I can't stop looking at that passiveaggressive blog. It's sooo amusing.